Cold Fish (2011)

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Reviewed by Cigarette Smoking Man A

I've always had fascination with serial killer movies. The trill of detective giving chase, solving clues and eventually leading to the final showdown. It all started with Seven, the thriller starring Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt. Ever since then I've tried scourging through the net for serial killer movies, good or bad. In my opinion, America and Korea produce the best serial killer movies, stuff of legends such as the aforementioned Seven, From Hell, Zodiac and gritty stuff from Korea, Memories of Murder, Chaser or I Saw the Devil. Though most of them are not based on true events, its polished and entertaining enough to keep you at the edge of your seats.

So when I heard that they are doing a movie based on Gen Sekine and wife, two of Japan's most prolific killers, I was frantically searching for it, also because its directed by Shion Sono, the director who did suicide Circle and Strange Circus. Gen Sekine first came into my attention when I was reading Tokyo Vice by Jake Adelstein, a fuckin fantastic book by this jewish guy who works as a journalist covering homicide and yakuza activity in Japan. Do get the book asap. Gen Sekine was a dog breeder and a damn fine one at that. He sells the breeds for an exorbitant sum of money and had ties with the yakuza. He also managed to introduce the Alaskan Malamute to Japan which still maintains at the top 19 as one of the best canine breeds. But sadly, behind his dedication to his profession lies a much dangerous individual that's hellbent on eliminating anyone who stands against him.

The movie is loosely based Gen Sekine but he's not the main focus, its the accomplice. Why it is the way it is, I do not know, but somehow everything sorta feels right with the accomplice as the main character. Instead of rearing and breeding dogs, its fishes instead. The director was going against using dogs, as most japanese will spent time cooing over images of dogs, what with their intense fascination with all things cute and cuddly. So now its fishes, plus they can still apply the concept of breeding and high prices with a different subject. The story starts with the introduction of meek and gentle Shamoto, who also breeds and sells fishes but on a very small scale. Somehow he's unhappy with his life because his daughter couldn't accept him remarrying a younger wife after the first wife died. We see Shamoto as a depressed individual who gave up on trying to make things right with his family. His daughter ignores him, his own wife ain't giving him pussy. Its really not that difficult to understand why he is the way he is. Then later we are introduced to Murata, who somehow helps them with their current predicament by enlisting Shamoto's daughter to work in his larger and more impressive fish chain store. In due time, Shamoto is progressively included in Murata's affairs, as a business partner, then a conspirator and finally a murder accomplice. Denden's portrayal as Murata is frighteningly real, like an individual suffering from bipolar disorder, he can be excruciatingly jovial and aggressive the next. One can never expect what this individual will do next and thats extremely frightening. 

There are gore/sex scenes here and there but you never felt that its a gory movie as the main intention here is a play on human emotions, how one struggles from family issues and about suppressed emotional pain. The only gripe I have with this movie is that it runs 2 1/2 hours. This is one of the reasons why I stop watching japanese movies. The pacing is just too damn slow. On several parts they could've speed up the storyline. I won't disclose what happens at the end, its just different and not expected at all. But what I can say is that the ending is very satisfying. Watch it for the superb acting and storyline eventhough it stretches 2 1/2 hours. You won't be disappointed. Download here

4 OUT OF 5 CIGGIES

A Serbian Film / Sprski (2010)

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Reviewed by Cigarette Smoking Man A

How do I start reviewing this? The infamous film that got so many within the gore porn industry talking? This movie is what separates the true gore fan from the wannabes. This movie is pure gore porn in its truest form, it doesn't shy away from restrictions nor prohibitions. Every kill or rape scene is thrown in your face with ample blood splash everywhere. At one point, I don't even remember seeing the movie in color, it's just blood everywhere. And thats not even the hardest part to stomach. The ONLY highlight of the movie is that every women in the movie is hot as fuck and the men all look like middle-age italian GQ models, the only ugly fucker is the main actor himself. The movie is highly polished, with high production values, one wonders what were they thinking when producing this movie. We have the screener copy, so everything is uncensored.

It starts with a happily married, has-been porn star, Milos, who relish in watching his own videos from his heydays, who wanted that one last hit to support his family financially. So when an ex-colleague happens to come by with a proposal, at first hesitant, but then knowing that his have mouths to feed, agreed on acting in his last porn flick with his wife's consent. But the catch is, he will be kept in the dark on how the movie goes until the day he starts work. Its supposed to be a so-called art film funded by this wealthy pornographer, Vukmir. On the first day of shooting, he was appalled at why they were using a child as a spectator for his sex scene. At first he was apprehensive, but soon forced to continue while the little girl watched on. It was after when the director/pornographer shows his "vision" (you will have to watch the movie to find out his vision) to Milos that he refuses to partake in any of his projects, including the one he's in now. Soon, Milos was approached by the Director's assistant, a seductive woman in a nurse uniform who managed to drugged him. He woke up 3 days later, not remembering what had happened. From there we are guided from what he did before to the current situation he is now. I will stop here because I will be spoiling the entire show for you. All I can say is the rest of the movie involves corpse-fucking, decapitation, sodomy and many more gruesome acts that I will not describe. There's a twist at the end which I will not revealed but given the whole content of the movie to be so gruesome, I don't think it will make any difference at that time.

This movie which is masked as an arthouse film, had been banned in most countries, and even if screening is permitted, it will run for only a few days in arthouse cinemas. This movie is to test your personal limit to gore. There's minimal CG in this movie, if any, only a few miniscule scenes. Most violent scenes are achieved with prosthetic limbs and a bunch of extremely highly-skilled makeup artists for the realism. If you can stomach this with a slight grin in your face, congratulations, you iz a sick fuck. We managed to pull through the movie with our minds and mental stability intact, but only barely. I believe if you want to punish people you hate, sit them in front of the screen with hands tied behind, and put this movie on repeat. Cigarette Smoking Man B swears he won't watch the second round for the review, he, the one who got me into gore movies. Come to think of it, he talks and acts funny nowadays. Download here

We won't rate this movie as we believe there will be people who love it for the gore or some who hated this movie because its a sick excuse for torture porn. There's no middle ground to this.

Invitation only (2009)

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Reviewed by Cigarette Smoking Man A

I'll be frank. I used to love Maria Ozawa's porn. Back in the days when she still do amateur-ish porn, not the filth that involves golden showers, face-altering bukakke shots, bondage and the rest of the other extreme stuff she does with her punani nowadays. After being toppled by Rio on the JAV charts, another Eurasian that looks even more beautiful than Maria (Hey, AV idols can be beautiful too, you obnoxious jackass) she resorts to doing really hardcore stuff to appeal to a specific porn niche, the extreme type. Not extreme by American standards, but by japanese standards. So when I heard she's appearing in mainstream movies, the old ones being an Indonesian movie Menculik Miyabi, I was pretty curious to see how she fare without exposing her jiggly bits and only relying on her acting skills. So when watching the movie with her scene in it, oh silly me, why would I even consider her to have sufficient acting skills when the scenes involves her fucking another guy??! Again!? Fuck, I might as well stop watching this movie and put on her porn instead. But I digress.

This movie, aside from having Maria Ozawa, have plentiful of really hot women in it. From the start we are introduced to a sorry-ass loser Wade (Jerry Huang) who works as a chauffeur to a rich CEO, Yang (Jerry Huang). While taking a break, he accidently stumbled upon his boss banging Maria Ozawa (Again!) at the backseat of the car. Days later, after much awkwardness, his boss invited him to go to a party of the rich and famous on his behalf since he might be busy, fully aware of loser's financial capability and non-existing fashion sense, he offered him money and suit to go to the party. In the party, everything is permitted, gambling, hot women, the whole works, so you can imagine our boy's surprise when he was told he can have anything he ever wanted. All he needs to do is write on a card provided. Moments later, sure enough, our loser gets laid with Maria (Again!!) and got a new sportscar in return! Wow. Only in the movies, mate. Only in movies.

Not long, our loser realized there's a price to be paid for obtaining all these luxury when they are suddenly stalked by a masked murderer. Not only he thats being targeted, a bunch of other were as well. Then it dawn upon them that this party was planned with them as the main event, and torturing them one by one is the highlight of the evening. The mood and feel of the movie pretty much emulates American teen slasher movies. You have the dilapidated warehouse, you have the masked psycho, you have a bunch of incompetent git who gets themselves killed all the time. Its like a rehash of all American slashers, mix together with a dab of asian production and the result is a half-ass Taiwanese slasher that copies all slasher movies. The only upside of the movie is that its the first torture porn movie in its country, but to the rest of us, mehh..I would give them kudos for trying out something new for the taiwanese film industry but the movie is such a mix-mash of American slashers without a tinge of originality, you just sort of feel disappointed they had a chance to introduce something new for their country but didn't fully utilize it. Download here.

3 OUT OF 5 CIGGIES

(because of all the hot women, minus 1 if you are a woman)

The Butcher (2008)

*Flick.. hisss...pufff......

Reviewed by Cigarette Smoking Man A

I won't lie when I say half of the movies reviewed is motivated by the covers alone. Its a well design/composed film cover that urge me to watch the film despite now knowing if its good or not. It's pretty dramatic, the cover, with a chainsaw-wielding maniac in a pig's mask. Also one of the reasons is that it's banned in Korea, which is rightly so, because this movie is so far out from the usual direction of korean cinemas, it's best suited for western audiences. The movie runs in the same line as movies such as french new-generation gore Martyrs, À l'intérieur and others. It's a POV movie helmed by director Kim Jin-Won (Interview here).

The movie starts off with 4 victims, bounded, completely unaware why they are being abducted. Little do they know they're part of the production of a snuff film, helmed by a maniac aptly-named, "The Director". One by one they are tortured and filmed with cameras fasten on the helmets they are wearing. It's interesting because what you see if what the victims sees while being tortured and killed off. On the other hand, a second camera is used to record the perpetrators side of the story. It's basically a story of survival on how the victim managed to escape the clutches of the captors.

There's 2 parts in this movie that traumatizes me to this day. One, is the part where the "Director" played mind games with one of the victims, giving him a sense of false hope of surviving. And second, a very prominent scene between 2 men. I won't reveal all, but if you enjoy being traumatized like me, or just to test your boundaries of how far your limit for the extreme goes, watch it. What makes the movie even scarier is the whole movie is shoot with a very raw, lo-fi, lo-production feel, to maintain its realism, to make it seem as if you are there on the event. I would say, if you can stomach A Serbian Film, Matyrs or any other gore movies, give this a go.

4 OUT OF 5 CIGGIES