George A. Romero Presents Deadtime Stories Volume 1 (2010)

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Reviewed by Cigarette Smoking Man B

We all know who George A. Romero is; the brand, the Legend, the ‘Sensei of the Dead’ if you will, has showered us horror nerds with more zombie flicks than any other men on earth. With much respect for the man, I review ‘Deadtime Stories Volume One’ with tears in my eye and trying to find the right words not to offend the man. (I don’t want Zombies on my ass.) Georgie has come up with the awesome idea of a horror anthology with his buddies but falls short on budget, which is clearly obvious. So let’s break’em down and put these stories in prospective.

Deadtime Story

Valley of the Shadow

Directed By Jeff Monahan

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A complicated chick flick where a Lara Croft wannabe chick gets paid big bucks to lead an expedition to some jungle to find something and gets hunted by weird jungle people. There seems to be a lot of running and god knows loads of bad decisions from this chick that leads to their demise. In the midst of this chaos, we are introduced to some exotic fruit that look a lot like some giraffe’s balls that oozes blue. The acting is distasteful and casting a white dude as jungle native man is so not cool. It’s best to skip this whole tale.

Deadtime Story

Wet

Directed By Michael Fischa

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After revitalizing my hopes, (as any horror anthologist would) ‘Wet’ brought something new to the table. A twist in the Mermaid fable that made them more like Sirens, maybe that was the intention and it might have worked. But, slow paced storytelling and boring cranky characters made this deadtime story very dead-ish. Skip.

Deadtime Story

Housecall

Directed By Tom Savini

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He is also a man with an awesome resume, Tom Savini is a special effects and make up legend with some acting credits that include his infamous role in Quentin Tarantino’s ‘From Dusk Till Dawn’. He was properly casted as ‘Sex Machine’ with a pistol popping from his crotch. Awesome. But, even Tom couldn’t save this movie from the gutter as his efforts for a 1950s inspired horror flick fell short. Maybe if it was black and white, it might have brought out a better ambience to this deadtime story. A tale of an old doctor, called to the home of an ill patient on a dark and stormy night. It gets confusing as you’d be guessing if this kid was bit by a vampire or a werewolf. By the end of this one, you should be long dozing off to la la land.

Overall, this anthology should be renamed to Bedtime Stories as I can assure you it will put you snoring away. George A. Romero hosting this flick makes me believe that this is nothing but a marketing ploy and should have stick to more ‘___ (fill in the blank) ___ of the Dead’ movies. Only pick this up if you have absolutely nothing in the world of the dead to watch.

Click, Light… Inhale and cough, cough and cough…

So till my next words, light one for us. Download here

1 OUT OF 5 CIGGIES

The Grudge (2004)

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Reviewed by Cigarette Smoking Man B

Many horror fans would agree that The Grudge movies could be the best flick to share with your non horror fan girlfriend on a Saturday night. It has the right ingredients to make her want to hold you tight and playas know that gore doesn’t make her wet, but if it gets you wet; get a shrink.

The remake of Japanese original Ju-On, maybe Sarah Michelle Geller’s last stand in horror as the later flicks with her is not so worth mentioning. The Grudge has everything any horror fan wants, a cursed or haunted house, many patterned jump scenes, sudden appearances and disappearances, and rejected ‘Blue Men Group’ vengeful ghosts.

It begins with American foreign exchange student Karen Davis (Sarah Michelle Gellar) in Tokyo, Japan who serves as caretaker-home nurse for a mute and bedridden, elderly and senile American named Emma Williams (Grace Zabriskie) in her scary house where she encounters the evil entity: Kayako for the first time. And then the story goes to several other characters interlinking to this curse the house. In a frightening scene, Karen is showering and shampooing her hair - and she feels fingers grabbing on the back of her head - she jerks around to see what's there; also, as Karen passes by a mirror, the reflection Kayako passing by is also seen; in the scene of daughter of old dead woman, Susan Williams (KaDee Strickland) riding in an elevator, glimpses of Toshio, Kayako’s dead son passing by on each floor; and in the terrifying surveillance "security camera" stalking sequence of Susan, it culminates in her finding the blue-tinted, Kayako (with a wide mouth and eyes, and a defending feral cat-like scream) under the bed sheets in the seeming safety of her bedroom; A lot happens here and there, but another hair raiser would be Kayako crawling down the stairs and kills Karen's boyfriend and fellow student Doug (Jason Behr). Outstanding performances by Toshio and his cat.

The movie ends with SMG trying to get the house burnt to the ground and The Grudge 2 picks up with Karen Davis’s sister Audrey (Amber Tamblyn) coming to Japan to check up on Karen which is hospitalized and diagnosed as insane. Sarah Michelle Geller only has cameo in the sequel but defiantly has the best jump scare of the trilogy with the running away from Kayako to the hospital rooftop and swan dive to her demise scene. An upgrade from the first film would be applying CG on the jump scenes.

This movie is a sure classic and will also be referred for future generation horror heads. So, head on over and get a Blue Ray HD copy of The Grudge and it’s sequels for a good ole’ time with your girl. So till my next words, light one for us. Download here

4 OUT OF 5 CIGGIES