Click, Light… Inhale and Pufffff…
Reviewed by Cigarette Smoking Man B
We all know who George A. Romero is; the brand, the Legend, the ‘Sensei of the Dead’ if you will, has showered us horror nerds with more zombie flicks than any other men on earth. With much respect for the man, I review ‘Deadtime Stories Volume One’ with tears in my eye and trying to find the right words not to offend the man. (I don’t want Zombies on my ass.) Georgie has come up with the awesome idea of a horror anthology with his buddies but falls short on budget, which is clearly obvious. So let’s break’em down and put these stories in prospective.
Deadtime Story
Valley of the Shadow
Directed By Jeff Monahan
Click, Light… Inhale and Pufffff…
A complicated chick flick where a Lara Croft wannabe chick gets paid big bucks to lead an expedition to some jungle to find something and gets hunted by weird jungle people. There seems to be a lot of running and god knows loads of bad decisions from this chick that leads to their demise. In the midst of this chaos, we are introduced to some exotic fruit that look a lot like some giraffe’s balls that oozes blue. The acting is distasteful and casting a white dude as jungle native man is so not cool. It’s best to skip this whole tale.
Deadtime Story
Wet
Directed By Michael Fischa
Click, Light… Inhale and Pufffff…
After revitalizing my hopes, (as any horror anthologist would) ‘Wet’ brought something new to the table. A twist in the Mermaid fable that made them more like Sirens, maybe that was the intention and it might have worked. But, slow paced storytelling and boring cranky characters made this deadtime story very dead-ish. Skip.
Deadtime Story
Housecall
Directed By Tom Savini
Click, Light… Inhale and Pufffff…
He is also a man with an awesome resume, Tom Savini is a special effects and make up legend with some acting credits that include his infamous role in Quentin Tarantino’s ‘From Dusk Till Dawn’. He was properly casted as ‘Sex Machine’ with a pistol popping from his crotch. Awesome. But, even Tom couldn’t save this movie from the gutter as his efforts for a 1950s inspired horror flick fell short. Maybe if it was black and white, it might have brought out a better ambience to this deadtime story. A tale of an old doctor, called to the home of an ill patient on a dark and stormy night. It gets confusing as you’d be guessing if this kid was bit by a vampire or a werewolf. By the end of this one, you should be long dozing off to la la land.
Overall, this anthology should be renamed to Bedtime Stories as I can assure you it will put you snoring away. George A. Romero hosting this flick makes me believe that this is nothing but a marketing ploy and should have stick to more ‘___ (fill in the blank) ___ of the Dead’ movies. Only pick this up if you have absolutely nothing in the world of the dead to watch.
Click, Light… Inhale and cough, cough and cough…
So till my next words, light one for us. Download here
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